“Seriously, what are you wearing?” The man with whom I had been trying to secure a friends-with-benefits type of relationship for the last six months—without any success, which was driving me increasingly mad—was asking me. Piqued in my vanity* and mortified, I turned around and told him, with spite, that this was none of his business, which of course was an absolute lie.

Because, if you want to seduce someone—whether the someone in question is a pathetic idea, or not—you might want to listen when he tells you that a potato bag isn’t the most enticing garment.